And the prize goes to...

There are times when I feel exceedingly grateful for being born in an age where communication is the way it is. The miscommunications, the non-communications, and the missed-communication have their silver linings too.

Although, at times I want to bleed words in a hope that someone/something would notice and take the pains to just take a moment and just try. The result, might most often be failure but at least the I deserved the time and the effort. And then, there are times when something inside me refuses to bare it all, refuses to be a like a goldfish trapped in a glass-bowl without any hope for an escape or even a compensatory privacy. If I can't have the right to be understood, I should at least have the freedom for absolute privacy. There can be nothing more humiliating than being a thing of display but a subject of indifference.

In the few secretive moments of wishful clairvoyance, I see myself standing farther than the sound, the light, the tough, the smell I want myself to be engulfed in right now and I am thankful for the content smile that escapes the lips wet my the dripping tears of an overnight chore.


 It is for the likes of the following that I know that this year (2010) and life in general has been kind to me:

'You know why I like you coz you are you. coz you aren't the average simple girl.coz you are complex and that speaks to me dozens than your one simple smile. I like the way of putting yourself, the  simplicity of your being. The way you have a great style and the mindlessness and random gibberish you talk and think. It is not about whether your thoughts are high or not but has get depth. I like you coz you are you. It's not that complex you know...loving you, I mean.'

p.s: 1) thanx PGB 
2) I am aware that the week-long challenge has failed, owing to some technical difficulties. I am off desserts since yesterday.12 more days to go. T_T

choices

(week long challange day 4)

Aiyoo, yours truly is facing a lot of technical hindrances. Unavailabity of web access,is the most pressing one.

So, i'l make this one short and if not sweet like polo.Here are a few options and my choices:
- dairy or sherry --> dairy
- j or g --> j (i know not why)
- onion or garlic --> garlic (not necessarily because its cheaper)
- spring or winter --> winter
-shiela or munni --> munni (hands down)

favourited Vol. VIII (Laughter)

Elsewhere

(week-long challenge day-3)

Elsewhere, I'd have hummed a new picture
Lest I fall pray to a callous consternation
Slip my fingers into the ripples there...
Elsewhere, I'd not have fallen to reach to myself 
Was it she who teared so like me,lost like me?
Having given in to the disorganized Now,
Elsewhere, I'd have chuckled away a few naive moments
Right under the purple glazed sky,
Elsewhere, I'd have lived to die again another time.



p.s: 1) the words from the word-list have been italicized.
2) I know it seems like only 4 out of 5 required words have been used, then again see the 5th one on the list.

elsewhere

Concentrically challenged

(Week-long challenge Day 2)

I had an Inception -esque idea yesterday.
For the want of a better post, I am forced to put it up as today's post(I love my dessert way too much).

I am already two days into this self-imposed challenge of posting here, at least once a day, for a week.

I thought why not make it a tad more interesting and take up a challenge within the challenge.

Challenge -II
The objective is to use a select set of words in all the posts for the remaining days in the week long Challenge.


Now I would have liked to have a list formed by reader's choice and suggestion but considering the time is too short between this post and the next(which has to come out by midnight tomorrow), I'd make a small list on my own:

• chuckle
• elsewhere
• sugar-momma
• not/naught/knot
• (NOT using the word) Love
• de facto
• disorganized
• gOOgle
• sherry

Readers' suggestions:

• polo
• aiyoo
• consternation

clauses:

1. Since the list of words to be used is too long. Lets say, we add a lower limit. I have to use at least 5 words out of the aforementioned word list in each post.

P.s: readers' suggestions are most welcome, provided they make it interesting.

Trend-spotting

(week-long challenge Day-1)

I am not much of a tweet-er but here's my take on some of the trends that caught my fancy today:

• #lastminutegifts - bad memory+ late realization +a deeper hole in the pocket out of guilt + inadequate effect on the recipient. Advice: one might want to pack it brilliantly for an initial 'wow' effect, which would most likely be followed by 'Oh! Its nice(I-don't-know-how-else-to-hide-my-disappointment)!' effect.

• #ihavenorespect- for someone who doesn't finish all the dessert on their plates.

• #icanttakeyouseriously- if you try too hard to make me take you seriously.

• solstice-  comes just four days after 18th dec(see no. 8 )

• Onions-  like them cooked- burnt, fried, curried, pickled, irrespective of the price they might be sold at.

• #stacheswaggin - no ^&^% idea what that means but me likes the way it sounds.

•  Comic Sans- all time favourite font, hands down. Elegant but fun!

• #dearex - remember how I used to say those three special words all the time? Well, I've got three new words for you, 'Screw you, B**CH!' sincerely, I've moved on.

• #dontgosmack- If you thought you were being real smart but ended up seeming #dumber than usual.

• dumber - All I've got to say is I wish I could tag people for this one.

When grey matter turns fuschia

Sickened by the -ism binge in the past couple of months, I had decided to put on the rosy glasses again.

To think without prejudice, caused mostly by the 'knowledge' that I had willingly/otherwise forced down my throat, was the plan.

Ideal situation: I was getting paid and appreciated for every word I DID NOT write(/think). The more I did not write(/think), the more appreciation and money came my way, and I spent every penny I did not earn by writing(/thinking) to increase the amount of writing(/thinking) I did not do. I worked indefatigably from dawn to dusk at not writing(/thinking) anything worthwhile.


But I guess the damage has been irreparably done and I failed, quite pathetically, I must add.

Plan B? To get back to whatever I was supposed to be doing, avoiding the implementation of any creative ideas for escape that might creep in now and then.

I freaking failed again!! (yes, quite pathetically, I shall add!)

 The more I wanted to write(/think) the  more I could not.

Plan C? I, hereby, take up a week-long challenge! To post here everyday at least once for the next seven days failing which I shall not indulge myself in dessert of any sort for a fortnight!

gray matters

favourited Vol. VII (now and then)

"well I was born probably about 6-8 years ago , over by that tree and I remember, things (have) changed a lot. In those days in Madagascar it wasn't so commercial, you know. There wasn't all about money and about who's got the latest tree and what leaves are you wearing and who's got the latest fur on their back, you know. In those days it was just me and couple you you others, you know, doing the jungle boogie..."

simple wants

-King Julian, Madagascar 

Favourited Vol. VI (emergency)

Moss: [Dialing] 0115…no…0118…no…0118 999 – 3. Hello? Is this the emergency services? Then which country am I speaking to? Hello? Hello?

Moss: I know. Yeah. [sits down in front of the computer to write an email] Subject: Fire. "Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of..." no, that's too formal. [Deletes] "Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire, exclamation mark. Fire, exclamation mark. Help me, exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss."

Moss,

 

The IT Crowd

[watch the clip here]

Unfolded

It was a  ritual. The first thing she would do on waking up was to check her phone for his absent texts/calls.  She had waited- ignored, unanswered, humiliated. At an uneventful moment ,she realized to her surprise,that the day had finally come when his name no longer brought a smile on her face.

True story

My friend (say B) and I(A, for the obvious reason) thought we'd order in dinner tonight.

A:  What do you want?

B: Chinese?

A: sure. (hands her over the menu)

B: Chicken in Kung Pao sauce?

A: Ok. How about some noodles with that?

B: Ok. You pick.

A: I don't know what to pick...ummm...suggest something.

B: Just pick something funny.

A: Okay. Veg. Basket noodles?

B:  Cool.

*The food arrives*

And what we see in front of us makes stuff for a good community laughter.
B asked me to pick something 'funny', I didn't know I could do it so well.
Even my food has a sense of humour. :-l


So this is what we ordered:

 This is what we got:

The noodle basket and the veggies

polithinks: #slapyourself if you ordered Chinese noodle basket and you actually got a basket made of noodles.

You are not You

The delectable words,
The smothering eyes,
The precarious memories,
The smokey touch,
The scars of pain,
The  playful fingers,
The smacks of taste.

...When I see you safe in the frame by my bed.


The fiery words,
The stone cold eyes,
The forgotten memories,
The lost touch,
The unfeeling skin,
The tired fingers,
The spiteful tongue.

... when I see you lying besides me, lost in a private ethereal world.


Should I just stare and love you  both?
Or
Should I pick up my choice with shaking hands and walk...

Favourited Vol. V (communication)

'Language is a skin: I rub my language against the other. It is as if I had words instead of fingers, or fingers at the tip of my words. My language trembles with desire.'

Roland Barthes, "Talking," in A Lover's Discourse

 

Blank Please

It was only two days ago that i was begging my mind to stop thinking incessantly! I tried as many things as humanly possible without killing myself or my brain.

It's not fun when there are at least 100 different/unrelated/merged/oh-I-don't-know-how-to-categorize-anymore thoughts running through your head, ALL THE TIME!!!!

No sir, It's not.

Okay I am going to make this a short post and you will soon find out why.

Bam!

something happened last night.

And now I am feeling free. I feel peace and calm and a blank space in my, otherwise plethorised , head.

For the first time in life I feel i am truly on a vacation(I am in the middle of my end terms, by the way)where I am free from all worries, all thoughts, everything that I need and don't need. 

I am blank at the moment.

I am free.

I shall get back to being in the state(this lil blogpost made me think!).

cheers to life.

cheers to all the things I can't put a name to coz right now I am BLANK and I am loving it.

Urban gyaan -I

I sometimes marvel at the infinite hope that student, all over the world and in all generations, have that a miracle would suddenly decide to do what they themselves didn't do for days/weeks/months - finish their assignments or study for the exam - on the morning of the D-day!

I say hope because it can't simply be a case of over-confidence or sheer indifference. I reject the first because most of us are smart enough to know that our IQ hasn't gone up exponentially in a matter of a few hours to able to finish the work required in a couple of hours. Second, it can't be indifference because even when we are lazing around, watching movies, dozing off every 3 hours, going out for coffee/brunch/dinner(we gotta eat, in'it?) or even just lying down staring at the ceiling, it is work that we are thinking about. Coming up with schedules, plans A, B and X to not only finishing the work on time but to do it so well that we'd get outstanding grades for sure.

Polithinks: Hope is the mother of procrastination.

Favourited Vol. IV (choices)

''It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world.''

East of Eden , John Steinbeck

Walking in Someone Else's Shoes

She's had a bad day since morning. Cold, fever and thousand tiny chores. She craved for a good meal.

Flips open the phone

*type type type*

'Lunch date? My treat. I know u r busy but don't say no to amazing food and a surprise date with a hot (quoting u) girl! ^_^'

*send*

*wait wait wait*

*no reply*

thinks-Now I know what it feels like to get ignored when you ask someone out.

Empathy for all the guys I've rejected in my lifetime. I like to walk in my heels better than their shoes. *sulk sulk*

*BEEP BEEP*

She opens the text which reads- 'Someone else found your text mysteriously. This is Chuck Norris inviting you to join him for dinner tonight.'

thinks- 'I definitely love walking in my shoes!!'

The (Happy) End

p.s: 1)the story isn't complete without the link attached.

2) I am not really a pro at coming up with PJs. I am trying nonetheless.

dear X sincerely Me # 4

Dear auto-wala who bullied me yesterday,

 I dreamt of your auto.I punctured all the three tires. You can thank me later.

sincerely, should have paid you less.

Notes from an Incipient Misanthrope (Stage I)

Confessions

"Sometimes I wake up early and even my soul is wet"

                                                                       -Pablo Neruda

-Grief is a product of idleness and isolation- a combination that I failed often to solve/escape.

-I've been :

• a patriot but inactive citizen,
•  an affectionate but distant sibling,
• a jovial but remote friend,
•  passionate but lost love;
• dull with brightness,
• unkind to beauty,
• an egoist to laughter , 
• with power, passive.

I have been everything that I thought I would never be.

-Was It I who suffered ,suffering in style the illusion of change, the poison of hope?

I shall give in to the image I see reflected in the cruel eyes when I look at you with an innocent desire to be spared the indignity of rejection. I give in, I give up.

'too soon',  you say.

You did not live my life, living helplessly each moment snowballing into years and decades reasserting the crack between the mind and the soul - having to see the wreckage of the bliss that you knew existed within you, one speck at a time.

-Sometimes tears seem so irrelevant. The cause too perverse. The soul drips with the tears I don't care to shed anymore.


-I am a cynic, an indifferent realist, I am all that you would care to define me as, for I have failed. I have failed my definition of myself. 

Absence of a father

There were times when Aryak felt he had chosen the wrong profession. 

All the glamour attached with the service was fine and the sense of pride that this made available not only to himself but his family and his country was something that always kept his spirits up.In spite of all the physical hardship and stress, it was moments like these that sometimes bring in the ever-so-little regret that he felt for not choosing a civilian life.

This had been a family tradition of sorts. Strangely, for three generations now the only son of the family would grow up to be a proud soldier- working, defending and living for the country. There was also one more thing. 'Your grandfather, like me, could not see his only child at birth. I hope things are different for you, son', his father had said, while rejoicing at the news of his son's upcoming parenthood. The first time his grandfather had seen his son was when the child was already 3 months old, only reading about it in letters. As for his father, things had been better, although he could only come back home after 8 months of the child's birth, he could hear his voice over the telephone. He could at least hear its breath and pure unadulterated laughter if not see the eyes which would, later , speak so much.

Aryak sat , seemingly quiet, with all these and more thoughts playing chaos in his head. It could be any moment now. He would be something more,much more than what he was right now- he would be a father. Then turning to his pc he answers the incoming call from the hospital. The image he sees leaves him speechless. It had been 'different' for him, like his father had hoped. He saw his daughter on the screen like she was there with him. All the distance vanished in a matter of seconds. All the regrets lost. All the emotions over powered him. It was at that moment he knew, life would never be the same for him again. 

p.s: this is a post for the 3G life blogger contest, powered by NTT DOCOMO. Kindly vote here if you liked it.

Favourited Vol. III (Leave a mark)

CHANDLER: Y'know what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.

JOEY: I know. Ross is getting married.

CHANDLER: Phoebe is... making people.

JOEY: Everybody's doing stuff!

CHANDLER: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair!

(Friends - S4 E21)

dear X sincerely Me # 3

Dear bank account,

 I think you have bulimia. You have a compulsion to throw up everything inside you.

Sincerely, Broke beyond bankruptcy

 

Reading between the lines - 'The Bird'

The Bird

You say you want to fly, looking for new horizons. I would fly with you too if I hadn't burnt my wings trying to protect your dreams when you were flying so close to the sun , unaware how the glaring sun seared me on the other side of the comfortable shade.

I have gone too high and fallen too hard to want to fly again.I am not- never was- the unearthly phoenix you always assumed I was. I am just an ordinary winged dreamer, now withered for your sake.

You've flown, and I sit here content by the shattered pieces of the opera glass refusing to see the spectacle of your flight.

F.T.Q# 3

Frequently thought questions

I look for something I urgently need and don't find it anywhere, no matter how many times I look 'all over the place'.It is time for my beauty sleep and guess what makes an appearance under me on the very bed I just cleaned so I can get on with my siesta!

I'll bet you 100 jars of mayonnaise there is a secret door to the Wonderland somewhere under my bed. 
Isn't it,then, fair if I blame Alice for borrowing my things unapproved and causing me such inconvenience - in my work and my sleep ?

Favourited Vol. II (Colonized: not a choice)

• "It's SHITE being ******! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are COLONIZED by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized BY. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a SHITE state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and ALL the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!  "

[Trainspotting(1996)]

A project long overdue

Its weird the way we take so much pain to get to one class and so much more to bunk another. Whatever the case, when I am sitting in a classroom, by choice or compulsion, I experience these sporadic, yet as Barney Stinson would say, ‘full of awesomeness’  moments where a word, a phrase or an idea just hits me, and sometimes hits me hard. That is when I know the class was a success, whether or not the syllabus has been covered or I have learnt something ‘useful’, is secondary.
To draw a conclusive balance-sheet of what I have picked up from my classes here is a mini-statement of few of my classes last semester (yeah I took the liberty of getting myself a half a year  extension) . I might have forgotten the context, the exact words nonetheless the idea stays:

•   Okay, so here we were at 9am, Friday morning, learning big Greek words and bigger ideas propounded by Aristotle, and in spite of all of them being thrown in my direction…the only phrase that hits me(not that I am not listening to the rest) is ’mad elephant emotions’. Now, it wouldn’t be too wrong to say that I have my fair share of emotional effusion. So the natural pull.

• There are good people and then there are God-people. Here speaks the great Prof: ‘People, here, have been too obsessed with God to care much about good.  ’

• Where is the pursuit of the ‘impossible beauty of human thought’,  is the question I leave the class with.

•    One can have epic dreams but might, as it happens in more often than not, they might end up caught up in a domestic destiny. Whatever happens inside at least the household can be high up. I quote, “If you aim for the stars, you’ll at least reach the terrace.”

•  “At some point of your life you have to disobey, man!!”

•    “Some people who do just acts are not necessarily just”

•    ‘MBA students have no mind.’(It’s all about the mumbo jumbo of following rules after rule. Nothing new ever spring out of that lot.)[Ahem]

•   A quest and the eternal hope for something new and interesting keeps a healthy mind going. So, the phrase here “contented pigs/ discontented Socrates”

•    At any given instance we are dramatizing who we are.

•  Life will invariably throw you in situations you don’t want to be in.

•    The meaning of life is not at the end, it is throughout.

•   Everything we do is for once.

•    ‘Life is a perpetual preparation for something that never happens’

To be or not to be

There are times when you take decisions. Then there are times when you aren’t sure and change them. And then, there are times when you feel abso-frigging-lutely sure you made the right choice. The stages are difficult, sometimes overlapping because doubt is like dandruff, no matter how many anti-dandruff hair products you use,  no matter how much you ‘eat right, drink right and sleep right’, it just manages to miraculously make its presence felt.
polithinks:Yet these liminal moments of doubt are what make the final resolution so rewarding.

Favourited Vol I (Uncomfortable Silences)

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence. 

[PULP FICTION (1994)]

Dear X, sincerely me # 2

Dear Lady Gaga,

 Please stop stealing our food so you can wear them.

sincerely, hungry children of third world countries.

The Meat Dress

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

I have a strong Dee Dee instinct and it worries me sometimes.
All the forbidden buttons seem to attract my curiosity and fan my urge.

People keep telling me things that I shouldn't do, the things that I tell myself I shouldn't do, not for the nth time at least. But I still end up indulging my whim to see if things would be different this time around.

the stupid cow disease

But i am stuck. Its like watching your favourite movie over and over again. Except its not a good-favourite. Its just a pathetic obsession. There is no happy ending or happily-ever-afters.You keep expecting things would turn out differently with the characters involved so they are not heart broken/killed/handicapped/reduced to useless no-ones by the events in the plot. You know nothing would change, yet you sit through it hoping, till it ends up disappointing and disturbing you again, getting ready to give it another run.


I ,apparently,take a different route/approach each time but they all seem to send me to the same place. 'I am stuck' is the thought of the day.

eternal recurrence is a bitch

Dear X, sincerely me

• Dear Courses,

            why do you seem so interesting when I choose you and such a pain in the neck as time passes.

- Sincerely , can't  type any more assignments coz i have things to do on facebook

quotes. Vol.II

'Paris Hilton: I'm a Hilton, I don't bow... but I do bend over. '
-Meet the Spartans.

Memory Keeper

I stare into the eyes in the ripples of water

There is someone I know talking a stroll.

Let the ripples be, let the time crawl

'Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?'

A thought might strike me and pass,

I let you be , I let you go , I let you move from now to past.

If I were to cherish every moment of my life. It would have become a history textbook and, quite frankly, historical compositions aren't always the most interesting reads one comes across.

What I cherish most is my forgetfulness, my laziness to capture every moment into a more concrete form, my indifference to to the fact that my life, as I see it, might one day be as gone as I would be.

Yet i also cherish the moments You remind me of,in one those moods of yours. I cherish the 'stories' almost unaware that I have once lived them myself.

i cherish you as my memory keeper and I wish it to be so till I am capable of creating them.

F.T.Qs #2

If I,without a doubt, hate something and still,once in a blue moon,indulge in it by choice,to see if I still hate it enough, while hating it as much, am I being disloyal to my hatred?

F.T.Qs #1

Frequently thought questions.

• How madly in love/ mad/ pathetic are you if you your rebound guy is the ex you broke up with in the first place?

The world is not a pair of chopsticks

A face is not a gaudy sports car
A scar is not the goal
A poll is not some rolled up dope

Hope is not an effective aspirin
A hairpin not a sheath
The teeth that shine brightly this eve
show the sole is not a gift.

The tale of the Betel Nut

Once upon a time, there was a betel nut that needed a click

I do

Its mid July and the summer here is just catching on, unlike back home where the summer seems to have given way to monsoons...

The words buzzing in my head,

i take a moment and sigh...


The endless sighs
Make me wanna spread my wings and fly..
I do ... I do it..
see me..touch the sky..

I miss the days when napping came naturally...

the planned naps are utter buzz-kills I tell you.

Any-hoooo...

who loves a sweet lil(well read a long) afternoon nap?

Poli loves a  sweet lil(well read a long) afternoon nap.

Is it true?

I do, I do, I do-uu(click)

suddenly I am popular!

Well, I don't give a tiny,sicklt rat's ass to all this I am happy in the blissful(although temporary state) that I am now.. but what irks me is when I am content.. strange events pull me backwards. this might not be the exact words but this is the gist of all the conversations that I had with 3 of my friends(only one of them an EX!):
'if i m wid u ....i hav no problems wid long distance relationship...but the thing is dat i can trust u..can we be together?' wtf!!
Just because i am true to a person doesn't mean they make me their resort. Its like saying, i have given every other girl a chance and they all failed to keep a relationship going, but I think I it's your lucky day lady, coz we've been friends I know you, you are the perfect girl, I should have been with you from the beginning in the first place.
Well, if that is the case, you missed it boys. I have screwed my life with a wrong choice and i will stick to it and try and make it 'the best choice' even if 'wrong'.

Good vs Happy

A wise-ass Rabbi said  "The happiest people I know are people who don't even think about being happy. They just think about being good neighbors, good people. And then happiness sort of sneaks in the back window while they are busy doing good." 


Poli says 
" In today's world, either u are good or u r happy. the happiest people I know today are the people who dont care about bad and good and just act according to the situation. I on the other hand am not happy.what i am, is content with my choices.
"






Oh by the way, I know its a cliche but I believe that there is no black or white in a person. there is always a mix - always GRAY- and the hue differs with the degree of good or bad. 

Purple is the new gray for me. 


Poli is proudly purple. more to the lighter shade she would like to believe(and some would like to vouch). 

darkness

"Have you ever willfully asked darkness to completely envelope you?" - something that someone asked me while interpreting a song.

It has been haunting me , some-times appearing in front of me in neon lights, for the past 25 hours, non-stop.

Why?

Maybe I have hit the self-destruct button. Because all the supposed strides that I am taking on the path of success has been a way to escape what I have no energy left to face.  But not facing means avoiding it, never moving past it and the knowledge of what actually is happening is not helping a tiny winy bit.

I have been DEE DEE (Dexter's laboratory fame) for a long time now[remember "Oooooo WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?"], pushing all the buttons, bright and shiny, that show the promise(however insincere) of fixing things, without really giving it a thought.

I had thought being reckless is just a trait that saggitarians have. But i guess there is a difference between being reckless and being a mindless cartoon who wears a pink tutu all her life and loves unicorn!

I don't know if I would stop being so reckless about important decisions of my (emotional)life from this moment on or not.I seemed to have lost the ability to control certain things, certain events and certain affects on my stooopid brain.

But one thing that I know I am certainly going to do is go eat some amazing dessert, RIGHT NOW! Taro cake! here I come.

Talk about being reckless.

p.s(repetition#1): The lack of posts here is because I am on a trip (read less time for introspection and contemplation which I am fond of)and hence concentrating more on my travel blog http://amropali.co.cc/

I finished a chapter with House(M.D.)

For some weeks now I have been watching a TV series Incessantly - House M.D.
Whether it be at 3 o clock at night or 7 in the morning; before class, after nap, in between assignments, on the fight, while waiting at the airport.

Why this series attracts my attention so much is because Gregory House, the protagonist, is grossly imperfect and yet defines what it is to be so unhappy, so much in pain, so flawed, so human and still have a life where in spite of all that one  has reasons to look forward to the next day.


The last year has been an emotional roller coater for me. I have had ups the level of Mt. everest and downs the as low as the 18th level of hell. But I have somehow(phew!) gotten through. I don't think half of them are even worth talked about even with my closest friends. I just have to bear it out and remember not let myself be numbed coz to miss the experience, even the pain, is to miss the most important moments of your life. "To err is human" they say.
 Polithinks: 'to feel is human. To err,well, is to'. what is life but an assimilation of moments felt and remembered.

So like a soldier, proud of the scar gotten on the battlefield, I wear my wounds with pride. I think at times I get overwhelmed and obsessive about them but I am what I am.They define me. I , like House, have a cane(not literally, duh!) which i would not let go. I am not perfect and don't want to be. Perfect is boring and is independent in the absolute sense. This independence would definitely take the fun out of living. I am working on my flaws but there are some which I can't change even if they embarrass me or get me into trouble more often than not.


Anyway enough blah on flaws and imperfections. This blog post is a dedication to House and the effect he has had on me.I have finished watching all the seasons and waiting for the latest episodes. A part of me is sad. I did not quite want to start the last episode for I new about in an hour I would run out of events from House's life... Okay I am getting more sentimental than I am allowed to be for a fictional character. I would like to take this opportunity to Thank House for the lessons which I never thought I would get from some stupid American TV series. But I guess one can learn something from everything around them. remind's of my Prof's quote(see the end of the post)


Since its a dedication it would be unfair if I didn't share the famous House quotes:
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Gregory_House


p.s: The lack of posts here is because I am on a trip (read less time for introspection and contemplation which I am fond of)and hence concentrating more on my travel blog http://amropali.co.cc/

Branching out

I have been running around a lot for this particular trip that I am going to make in less than 50 hours' time, hence the lack of blog posts here.


I have been debating whether to start a new blog or continue writing about the trip here.


I am starting a new one (keeping the vogue of travel-blogs in mind)...
The Link:
http://amropali.co.cc/

stuck

It is paradoxical to see that at the same time when I am under the highest Pascal/ Newton meter squared of pressure to squeeze my brain off of the last idea/word/opinion that I can, to finish the cart load of assignments have due, I feel the most urgent need to post a blog.

I have noticed a pattern in this. It is almost like half the brain (of what I am using) keeps hitting my head with the words 'I don't want to type! I DON'T WANT TO TYPE! I dOn'T wAnT tO tYpE!!!' and the rest of it yells its lungs out (ha!) saying  "Type in a post , TYPE IN A POST, tYpE iN a PoSt" I have to give in to one or the other.

 Most the time its a coin being flipped and other times its my brother receiving a complex algorithm(I am serious, Google is full of complex mathematical equations) in his inbox, the ans to which will help me decide what to choose(almost 100% of the times the ans I get is "Get a life B*****!' lemme sleep"). So I type something pointless, something that is a total waste of , not only, my time but of anybody who cares to read and the ones who after reading are gracious enough to leave a comment.

But this is my blog. I don't get grades for this(hell, I should. I'd fare much better, if I did) but at least I know I am capable of thought that is beyond the textbooks, beyond what is prescribed or expected.

But the fact remains, I am STUCK.

The coffee didn't help, neither did the rejuvenating nap.

2 pages down 12 more to go...

p.s: *sigh* I know dear keypad.... I will write you an elegy when I am here next time around.

I don't want to make sense

I don't think I have been as confused as I am now even when I was supposes to be officially/biologically confused(read in my teens) owing to my hormones.


There are times when you don't know what is what, let alone knowing what is right  /wrong.
these are the times you should do what ever you please i.e., no rational thinking(u can't think rationally if u don't have ur facts), no killing people's time asking for advice, no jumping to the worst case scenario. Just do IT! 




For instance, I know I am confused about something coz every time (the case since the last 30+ hours) I close my eyes-that includes the times when I blink or try to flirt(read wink) - I can see question marks --> ???. Sometimes in colour, sometimes with sparkles and sometimes just mocking me. But does that stop me from doing all the things I want to do, unthinkingly, without guilt? The answer: Hell no.

Its easy to solve things when you know there is a solution.
What do I do when there seems to be no problem and consequently no solution.
But then I could  be obtuse. Not dumb, just willingly/subconsciously/ unconsciously obtuse. Refusing to see things for what they are.


No wonder its so comfortable. Disgustingly smug.


Polithinks: Comfort is uncomfortable or am I too paranoid, hiding behind the veil of question marks?

?
?
?
?

Scoring a century with confessions.

What/when/to whom was the:
1. Last beverage I had: Ice tea
2. Last phone call I made: Dad
4. Last song I listened to: Carnival of lust(Poets of Fall)
5. Last time I cried: wednesday

HAVE I EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Yeah
7. Been cheated on: multiple times.(yeah, I know!)
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: Yes

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS(I know this is cheating):
12. Purple/Mauve
13. Black
14. Aquamarine blue

THIS YEAR(2010) HAVE I:
15. Made a new friend: No
16. Fallen out of love: Condition still being analysed
17. Laughed until I cried: No
18. Met someone who changed me: No
19. Found out who my true friends were: Yeah partly
20. Found out someone was talking about me: Yes
21. Kissed anyone on my friend's list: No
22. Had my heart broken: Yes.



23. How many kids do I want to have: Two, I want to name them both.
25. Do I want to change my name: Not anymore. there was a phase when I did.
26. What did I do for my last birthday: Invited a friend to come over in the morning, spent half the day with her, left her waiting at my place to go on a date and then came back to join her for dinner.
27. What time did I wake up today: 7:48am
28. What was I doing at midnight last night: cutting out a pirate eye patch off a chat paper.(Don't ask)
29.To name something I CANNOT wait for: My summer trip(details will come up here later as and when things happen)
30. Last time I saw my Mother: January.
31. The one thing I wish I could change about my life: The way my heart was broken.
32. What am I listening to right now: Belief, John Mayer
33. Have I ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, gave him wrong directions(unintentionally).
34. What's getting on my nerves right now: The assignments piling up and a few people
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook. google.
37. Nicknames: Poli, Mango
38. Relationship Status: Single(celebrated the first anniversary of single-hood a while ago)
39. Zodiac sign: Saggitarius.
40. How many times do I look at myself in the mirror each day: every time it happens to be infront of me.(approx 20 times)
41. pet Peeve: Can't have food sitting across someone eating with their mouth open. the sight does something to me.
42. Animal I hate: frog(I got peed on by a frog when i was 3/5 and thought it'd melt away. :-l)
43. The stupidest reason I was ever scared of : I once thought (because of swollen lymph nodes) I had tumour and hence cancer and I was gonna die. wrote people letters, confessing. Shouldn't have.
44. Hair colour: brown.
45. Long or short: Mid way
47. Do I have a crush on someone: Harmless crush on five, depending on my mood.
48. What do I like about yourself: matter of another blog-post
49. Piercings: YES, ears(I hate piercings)
50. Tattoos: One. left wrist.
51. Righty or lefty: Righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: I guess when they cut the umbilical cord
53. First piercing: ears
54. First best friend: Nabanita. she rediscovered me last month.
55. First sport I joined: hop scotch
56. First vacation: Kashmir(when I was one)
58. First pair of shoes : a peach pair of Mary Janes which squeaked on each step.

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Ceasar Chicken Salad and garlic bread
60. Drinking: Third refill of ice tea
61. I'm about to: clean the salad dressing I spilled on my shirt
62. Listening to: my roomie speaking on the phone
63. Waiting for: it to be midnight. have got a surprise planned.

 FUTURE :
64 .One thing that will happen for sure: (apart from death...) Me Bunjee jumping
65. Get Married:yeah
66. Career: of course.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: I feel its eyes, they say its lips.
68. Hugs or kisses: kisses. not really a hug person.
69. Read or write: Write when I am hyper-active. Read whenever
70. Talk or write: I write better than I speak.
71. Planned or spontaneous: Spontaneous
72. Fetish: hands(from wrist down)
73. Slapstick humour or sarcasm: Sarcasm
74. Early or late riser: Early
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker.

HAVE I EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no. But I would, if I am single and 50.
77. Drank hard liquor: Yeah. hated it.(http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/01/25-random-things-about-me.html ponit 12.)
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Contacts thrice.But not for a year now.
79. Broken someone's heart: Yes, as a teen, shouldn't have but couldn't help. Suffer sporadic guilt pangs.
80. Been arrested: No. I am adventurous, not reckless.
81. Been made to stand outside a class: Yes, coz I convinced my friends to bunk a class and play (in 12th standard) in spite of being the School Prefect
82. Turned someone down: Yes.First time in 7th standard
83. Cried when someone died: Not yet
84. Fallen for a friend: Yes and it sucks.
85. hustled: yeah. Broke someone's jaw in school , got my nose broken 2 years back, other minor injuries both parties.

DO I BELIEVE IN:
86. Myself: Most the times.
87. Miracles: not until I see one. But I am open to the concept.
88. Love at first sight: No. Not meant for the world today
89. Heaven:  Not the utopian place. But there are moments when I can't help but blurt out "Heaven!"
90. Santa Claus:  no
91. Kiss on the first date: Depends when the first date happens. (Things are different in India. We date date after the proposal.)
92. Angels: yeah,but not the ones with the wings.


94. Have  had more than 1 boyfriends at a time: Been on the receiving end, more than once.
95. Did I sing today: A terrible singer, still.(cf:http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/01/25-random-things-about-me.html point 16. )
96. Ever cheated on somebody: depends, if flirting is cheating then yes.
97. If I could go back in time, how far would I go: 3 years back. Would have slapped someone instead of smiling at the pathetically filmy antics.
98. If I could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: The day I came here to live alone.
99. Am I afraid of falling in love : yes. also afraid of the present state of being in love.
100. Will I ever confess again: YES. This mood seems to recur.