Thursday, October 28

Absence of a father

There were times when Aryak felt he had chosen the wrong profession. 
All the glamour attached with the service was fine and the sense of pride that this made available not only to himself but his family and his country was something that always kept his spirits up.In spite of all the physical hardship and stress, it was moments like these that sometimes bring in the ever-so-little regret that he felt for not choosing a civilian life.

This had been a family tradition of sorts. Strangely, for three generations now the only son of the family would grow up to be a proud soldier- working, defending and living for the country. There was also one more thing. 'Your grandfather, like me, could not see his only child at birth. I hope things are different for you, son', his father had said, while rejoicing at the news of his son's upcoming parenthood. The first time his grandfather had seen his son was when the child was already 3 months old, only reading about it in letters. As for his father, things had been better, although he could only come back home after 8 months of the child's birth, he could hear his voice over the telephone. He could at least hear its breath and pure unadulterated laughter if not see the eyes which would, later , speak so much.

Aryak sat , seemingly quiet, with all these and more thoughts playing chaos in his head. It could be any moment now. He would be something more,much more than what he was right now- he would be a father. Then turning to his pc he answers the incoming call from the hospital. The image he sees leaves him speechless. It had been 'different' for him, like his father had hoped. He saw his daughter on the screen like she was there with him. All the distance vanished in a matter of seconds. All the regrets lost. All the emotions over powered him. It was at that moment he knew, life would never be the same for him again. 


p.s: this is a post for the 3G life blogger contest, powered by NTT DOCOMO. Kindly vote here if you liked it.

16 comments:

Arun said...

Good one. I like the way you presented the '3G' effect.

thoughtfulrandomness said...

Hey I liked it.. Very well written..
The pun on the 3G, amazing..

Just to bring it to your notice, you have made a typo on Indivine. It reads as "bsence of a father"

Amropali said...

@ Arun-> thanx
@thoughtful---> thank u. I am glad someone got the pun!

and about that typo.. i noticed but life intervened and din't get time to see how to fix it.will see to it.

Rahul Jain said...

awesome awesome awesome..!!!

My god! too too too good..
keep writing..
love you friend

Procrastinator said...

Yes, loved the 3G reference! Nice write.And by the way, follow me already.Not fair :D

Amropali said...

LOL!!
din realise that I wasn't.
Now that u mention it...

btw, brilliant publicity. Flattery does work, especially with women. :p

Suman said...

Very well written Amropali, especially the 3G effect on an armyman's life.

Gaurav said...

WOW is less for this. Touched my depths and thought proviking.

Vikram Karve said...

Hi Amropali,
Lovely poignant story.
Keep Writing such wonderful stuff.
Regards
Vikram

Amropali said...

@ Vikram-- thanx for the encouragement.
happy reading. happy blogging.

Best.

Malvika said...

I loved the way you built it up, the narration is so good that I could feel the significance of the last few moments to the person's life. The last line was short, sufficient and just right! Cliche line but didn't sound that way here at all.

But to begin with the post seems to be written in a hurry, you could refine it a lot, in places like 'moments like these' (not this, it sounds Indian English), 'attached to' could be associated (or any other word that gives a lesser action), 'sense of pride made available' is too long a sentence with unnecessary words, 'rejoicing the news' (not at the news).
Could be only to me, but have you chosen 'it' for the child on purpose instead of he, it sounds like addressing a fetous not a child with the frequent use of 'it'.
Last para has 2 lines in the middle that have a abrupt deviation in tense.

But yeah, I hope I am not being an unwelcome critique.

Amropali said...

@ Malvika--> thanx for taking the time out for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
I did write it in a hurry(You know how it is- late night munchies, lack of enthusiasm for the work at hand, something telling me I-have-a-class-9-its-high-time-I-sleep and bam! comes a blogpost).
well, apart from the obvious overlook of traditional English, there are things that I actually intended be the way they are. the it is generally the way a new born is addressed as coz the whole gender politics doesn't apply as yet(I would not like to get into it right now).
I confess i have a thing for cliches/classics. Hence the last line.

Hoping to read many more of ur critiques in the future..

p.s: the last word of ur comment... I believe u meant critic


Best.

Pratibha The Talent said...

I love the richness of content and expression used in your post.Great post and all the best for the contest.

Amropali said...

I love the richness of content and expression used in your post.Great post and all the best for the contest.

Amropali said...

@ Arun-> thanx
@thoughtful---> thank u. I am glad someone got the pun!

and about that typo.. i noticed but life intervened and din't get time to see how to fix it.will see to it.

Amropali said...

Good one. I like the way you presented the '3G' effect.