Tuesday, November 2

Notes from an Incipient Misanthrope (Stage I)

Confessions

"Sometimes I wake up early and even my soul is wet"
                                                                       -Pablo Neruda

-Grief is a product of idleness and isolation- a combination that I failed often to solve/escape.

-I've been :
  • a patriot but inactive citizen,
  •  an affectionate but distant sibling,
  • a jovial but remote friend,
  •  passionate but lost love;
  • dull with brightness,
  • unkind to beauty,
  • an egoist to laughter , 
  • with power, passive.
I have been everything that I thought I would never be.


-Was It I who suffered ,suffering in style the illusion of change, the poison of hope?

I shall give in to the image I see reflected in the cruel eyes when I look at you with an innocent desire to be spared the indignity of rejection. I give in, I give up.

'too soon',  you say.

You did not live my life, living helplessly each moment snowballing into years and decades reasserting the crack between the mind and the soul - having to see the wreckage of the bliss that you knew existed within you, one speck at a time.

-Sometimes tears seem so irrelevant. The cause too perverse. The soul drips with the tears I don't care to shed anymore.


-I am a cynic, an indifferent realist, I am all that you would care to define me as, for I have failed. I have failed my definition of myself. 

12 comments:

Procrastinator said...

A touching write again!
P.S~I myself am a big-ass cynic :D

Amropali said...

I wasn't. I am getting there.

Rofo Love said...

I've been everything you mentioned above, exactly...except "unkind to beauty" :) I love beauty...I worship it. I'm following you. Please come again, and why not follow me :) Thanks

malvika-thesearchwithin said...

Beautiful.
You say you have failed,
but it is evident you still haven't stopped trying,
and even if you beg yourself to stop,
you know you never will.

Its the burden of constantly being aware of yourself,
constantly assessing and progressing,
incessantly reflecting no matter what.

Amropali said...

@ Malvika-
it had been something desired once. it is, like u said, a 'burden' now. sometimes scary owing to the prospect of its persistence. its exhausting.

thanx for the positivity though.

Gaurav said...

Touching, pic attached is icing on the cake.

'I don't care to shed anymore' - is punching all negativity out.

Will always read when ever i feel low

Amropali said...

@ gaurav--->
i am honoured.

thank u so much.

Amropali said...

@ gaurav--->
i am honoured.

thank u so much.

Amropali said...

Beautiful.
You say you have failed,
but it is evident you still haven't stopped trying,
and even if you beg yourself to stop,
you know you never will.

Its the burden of constantly being aware of yourself,
constantly assessing and progressing,
incessantly reflecting no matter what.

Amropali said...

I've been everything you mentioned above, exactly...except "unkind to beauty" :) I love beauty...I worship it. I'm following you. Please come again, and why not follow me :) Thanks

Amropali said...

what do i say??
u echo out my thoughts..have been in a similar frame of mind sinde yesterday...
i guess misanthrope finds misanthrope ;)

Amropali said...

:)
it is strange how the world works, really. How we come across the people we come across.