Here is the first of the many vol. to come in the future:
1) Ross: Look, I just don't want my tombstone to read, "Ross Geller: Three divorces."
Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say, "Phoebe Buffay: Buried alive." [Friends]
2) Barney: Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There is no one hotter than God.
Ted: I love it when you quote scripture.[How I Met your Mother]
3) Barney: This is gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant because the next word is -DAIRY!
4) [After J.D. is assigned to introduce Dr. Kelso at an awarding ceremony]
Dr. Cox: You are officially trapped.
J.D.: I'll just say something nice about him that's actually true.
Dr. Cox: You go do that, and I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half past impossible, mm'kay?[scrubs]
5)Barney: I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways.
Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story.[How I Met your Mother]
6) George: When do you start to worry about ear hair?
Jerry: When you hear like a soft rustling.[Seinfeld]
7)Elaine: I've yada yada'd sex.
Elaine: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.
Jerry: But you yada yada'd over the best part!
Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque.[Seinfeld]
7) Homer: What are you, a travel agent? 'Cause you're sending me on a guilt trip.[the simpsons]
8)Lisa (angrily): You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
Homer: When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore, and judging by how tight they are, I'm never going to be anyone else's either.[the simpsons]
8)Cartman: I was asleep, and this person just ... puts his penis in my mouth without me knowing! And took the picture!
Detective Yates: ...I see.
Cartman: Yes. Now it may appear in the picture that I'm actually looking at the camera lens smiling, ... with the penis in my mouth. And giving a thumbs up. But I assure you, I was fast asleep![South park]
9)Cartman: How the hell did you get out?
Kyle: That kid and I had a long talk. I told him he was on a slippery slope to becoming a monster like you!
Cartman: Oh goddamnit! You gave him one of your gay little speeches, didn't you?[South park]
10) Judge Harry Hingham: A ho-mo-sexual? That's where we're at now? Santa Clauses being played by ho-mo-sexuals?
Alan Shore: [mockingly] I believe "homosexual" is one word, judge. But to avoid confusion, let's say "gay". [boston legal]
11)Nurse: "You need to leave."
Nurse: "You're disturbing the other patients."
Susan: "No, what are you... oh, this is ridiculous! I mean, who am I disturbing? It's a coma ward! Don't you want them to wake up?!"[desparate housewives]
12)Susan: "Oh help! Can anybody hear me? Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door. Oh, what am I saying, she's two. Okay, I need you to unbuckle yourself and try to find a neighbor. But don’t cross the street! Just tell the neighbor that your mommy’s stuck in a big truck!["desparate housewives]
13)Denny Crane: [repeated throughout series] Denny Crane... [boston legal]
14) Alan Shore: You know I'm not about to go to Texas and not ride the mechanical bull, Chelina. That would be like going to Los Angeles and not sleeping with Paris Hilton[boston legal]
15)Alan Shore: Let me tell me two things about myself. I too am a lawyer, I can be painfully vindictive, and I do not play fair.
Lester Tremont: That's three things.
Alan Shore: See? Not playing fair already. And I'm just getting started.[boston legal]
16)Denny Crane: May I express a thought, because I so rarely get one, and I should preface this by saying that I'm so far up the ass of big business I view the world as one giant colon. [boston legal]