stuck

It is paradoxical to see that at the same time when I am under the highest Pascal/ Newton meter squared of pressure to squeeze my brain off of the last idea/word/opinion that I can, to finish the cart load of assignments have due, I feel the most urgent need to post a blog.

I have noticed a pattern in this. It is almost like half the brain (of what I am using) keeps hitting my head with the words 'I don't want to type! I DON'T WANT TO TYPE! I dOn'T wAnT tO tYpE!!!' and the rest of it yells its lungs out (ha!) saying  "Type in a post , TYPE IN A POST, tYpE iN a PoSt" I have to give in to one or the other.

 Most the time its a coin being flipped and other times its my brother receiving a complex algorithm(I am serious, Google is full of complex mathematical equations) in his inbox, the ans to which will help me decide what to choose(almost 100% of the times the ans I get is "Get a life B*****!' lemme sleep"). So I type something pointless, something that is a total waste of , not only, my time but of anybody who cares to read and the ones who after reading are gracious enough to leave a comment.

But this is my blog. I don't get grades for this(hell, I should. I'd fare much better, if I did) but at least I know I am capable of thought that is beyond the textbooks, beyond what is prescribed or expected.

But the fact remains, I am STUCK.

The coffee didn't help, neither did the rejuvenating nap.

2 pages down 12 more to go...

p.s: *sigh* I know dear keypad.... I will write you an elegy when I am here next time around.

I don't want to make sense

I don't think I have been as confused as I am now even when I was supposes to be officially/biologically confused(read in my teens) owing to my hormones.


There are times when you don't know what is what, let alone knowing what is right  /wrong.
these are the times you should do what ever you please i.e., no rational thinking(u can't think rationally if u don't have ur facts), no killing people's time asking for advice, no jumping to the worst case scenario. Just do IT! 




For instance, I know I am confused about something coz every time (the case since the last 30+ hours) I close my eyes-that includes the times when I blink or try to flirt(read wink) - I can see question marks --> ???. Sometimes in colour, sometimes with sparkles and sometimes just mocking me. But does that stop me from doing all the things I want to do, unthinkingly, without guilt? The answer: Hell no.

Its easy to solve things when you know there is a solution.
What do I do when there seems to be no problem and consequently no solution.
But then I could  be obtuse. Not dumb, just willingly/subconsciously/ unconsciously obtuse. Refusing to see things for what they are.


No wonder its so comfortable. Disgustingly smug.


Polithinks: Comfort is uncomfortable or am I too paranoid, hiding behind the veil of question marks?

?
?
?
?

Scoring a century with confessions.

What/when/to whom was the:
1. Last beverage I had: Ice tea
2. Last phone call I made: Dad
4. Last song I listened to: Carnival of lust(Poets of Fall)
5. Last time I cried: wednesday

HAVE I EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Yeah
7. Been cheated on: multiple times.(yeah, I know!)
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: Yes

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS(I know this is cheating):
12. Purple/Mauve
13. Black
14. Aquamarine blue

THIS YEAR(2010) HAVE I:
15. Made a new friend: No
16. Fallen out of love: Condition still being analysed
17. Laughed until I cried: No
18. Met someone who changed me: No
19. Found out who my true friends were: Yeah partly
20. Found out someone was talking about me: Yes
21. Kissed anyone on my friend's list: No
22. Had my heart broken: Yes.



23. How many kids do I want to have: Two, I want to name them both.
25. Do I want to change my name: Not anymore. there was a phase when I did.
26. What did I do for my last birthday: Invited a friend to come over in the morning, spent half the day with her, left her waiting at my place to go on a date and then came back to join her for dinner.
27. What time did I wake up today: 7:48am
28. What was I doing at midnight last night: cutting out a pirate eye patch off a chat paper.(Don't ask)
29.To name something I CANNOT wait for: My summer trip(details will come up here later as and when things happen)
30. Last time I saw my Mother: January.
31. The one thing I wish I could change about my life: The way my heart was broken.
32. What am I listening to right now: Belief, John Mayer
33. Have I ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, gave him wrong directions(unintentionally).
34. What's getting on my nerves right now: The assignments piling up and a few people
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook. google.
37. Nicknames: Poli, Mango
38. Relationship Status: Single(celebrated the first anniversary of single-hood a while ago)
39. Zodiac sign: Saggitarius.
40. How many times do I look at myself in the mirror each day: every time it happens to be infront of me.(approx 20 times)
41. pet Peeve: Can't have food sitting across someone eating with their mouth open. the sight does something to me.
42. Animal I hate: frog(I got peed on by a frog when i was 3/5 and thought it'd melt away. :-l)
43. The stupidest reason I was ever scared of : I once thought (because of swollen lymph nodes) I had tumour and hence cancer and I was gonna die. wrote people letters, confessing. Shouldn't have.
44. Hair colour: brown.
45. Long or short: Mid way
47. Do I have a crush on someone: Harmless crush on five, depending on my mood.
48. What do I like about yourself: matter of another blog-post
49. Piercings: YES, ears(I hate piercings)
50. Tattoos: One. left wrist.
51. Righty or lefty: Righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: I guess when they cut the umbilical cord
53. First piercing: ears
54. First best friend: Nabanita. she rediscovered me last month.
55. First sport I joined: hop scotch
56. First vacation: Kashmir(when I was one)
58. First pair of shoes : a peach pair of Mary Janes which squeaked on each step.

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Ceasar Chicken Salad and garlic bread
60. Drinking: Third refill of ice tea
61. I'm about to: clean the salad dressing I spilled on my shirt
62. Listening to: my roomie speaking on the phone
63. Waiting for: it to be midnight. have got a surprise planned.

 FUTURE :
64 .One thing that will happen for sure: (apart from death...) Me Bunjee jumping
65. Get Married:yeah
66. Career: of course.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: I feel its eyes, they say its lips.
68. Hugs or kisses: kisses. not really a hug person.
69. Read or write: Write when I am hyper-active. Read whenever
70. Talk or write: I write better than I speak.
71. Planned or spontaneous: Spontaneous
72. Fetish: hands(from wrist down)
73. Slapstick humour or sarcasm: Sarcasm
74. Early or late riser: Early
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker.

HAVE I EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no. But I would, if I am single and 50.
77. Drank hard liquor: Yeah. hated it.(http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/01/25-random-things-about-me.html ponit 12.)
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Contacts thrice.But not for a year now.
79. Broken someone's heart: Yes, as a teen, shouldn't have but couldn't help. Suffer sporadic guilt pangs.
80. Been arrested: No. I am adventurous, not reckless.
81. Been made to stand outside a class: Yes, coz I convinced my friends to bunk a class and play (in 12th standard) in spite of being the School Prefect
82. Turned someone down: Yes.First time in 7th standard
83. Cried when someone died: Not yet
84. Fallen for a friend: Yes and it sucks.
85. hustled: yeah. Broke someone's jaw in school , got my nose broken 2 years back, other minor injuries both parties.

DO I BELIEVE IN:
86. Myself: Most the times.
87. Miracles: not until I see one. But I am open to the concept.
88. Love at first sight: No. Not meant for the world today
89. Heaven:  Not the utopian place. But there are moments when I can't help but blurt out "Heaven!"
90. Santa Claus:  no
91. Kiss on the first date: Depends when the first date happens. (Things are different in India. We date date after the proposal.)
92. Angels: yeah,but not the ones with the wings.


94. Have  had more than 1 boyfriends at a time: Been on the receiving end, more than once.
95. Did I sing today: A terrible singer, still.(cf:http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/01/25-random-things-about-me.html point 16. )
96. Ever cheated on somebody: depends, if flirting is cheating then yes.
97. If I could go back in time, how far would I go: 3 years back. Would have slapped someone instead of smiling at the pathetically filmy antics.
98. If I could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: The day I came here to live alone.
99. Am I afraid of falling in love : yes. also afraid of the present state of being in love.
100. Will I ever confess again: YES. This mood seems to recur.

Second makeover

I have been feeling a lot blue lately. 


hence the change(cf :http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/02/blogs-makeover.html)


Hoping the fiery colours around my thoughts would bring in a change.


My symbolic absence from the page(other than the fact that I still need to find a picture where I don't look cholera-stricken) will also change when I find myself, as I am, in my thoughts again.




Until then, 
happy reading.