Back at home
Polithought: I am sick of people asking me if its alright to go back to my campus now for it is "obviously safer to stay back and enjoy the 'special treatment' you are getting at home." Its been well over a month I've come back home now and the truth is, in spite of the love I have for my family, friends here and my bed, I don't like long vacations. I've never liked them when I was in school and I don't like them now.
I want work or at least the feeling that i have deadlines(even though I hardly meet them and extensions being common in this part of the world). I want to wake up having some plan to look forward to(even though the plan doesn't work out as planned). I know it sounds monotonous and something that everyone in this Post Modern, Capitalist, 'Corporaterized' (these as my 'Daddy' would say are all marketing terms) world seems to want to fight but I want a schedule. But why? I took out five minutes from my not-so-busy schedule and thought about it. What came out of this is that probably it pleases me to break out of these schedules, re-shape the moulds, challenge the authority. The fact that I am, essentially bound by many chains (again a stock load of marketing terms coming up) that is, as they say, is essential for an ideal life in this society: future...no a 'happy future', a 'good career', a 'happy family', reputation, contacts, comfort etc; tends to make me want to enforce the idea of breaking these chains, even if for false gratification.
In the campus
Excited about the courses I took up. Kind of in a mood to read, if not study.To strive for ideas and thoughts, more than marks(which I will work for when I feel the heat in a few weeks time. :-l) But the irony of the situation is that the 'good student' that suddenly(and to my surprise)has risen inside me is being met by students with priorities which probably doesn't include pursuit of knowledge. There are greater, more radical, more desperate pursuits which my limited knowledge and interest in the concerning matters restrict me from fully understand the state of affairs going on.
What I read in the papers back at home isn't much of a hype as I initially thought them to be.
I am not for or against anybody's cause here but all I wanted to do is, which may sound petty and selfish in the context of the larger 'wants' of the moment but this is how I feel, to attend classes and get out of the sloth that has gripped me owing to the long vacation that I had been 'enjoying'.
Back in my UG classes I would have rejoiced the idea of the classes being forcefully stopped. But This time I was not really happy with scheme of things. Somehow, being forced out of an interesting discussion pissed me off and probably/might work towards the bias that I might fall prey to in the future if at all I do. I guess my idea of fun has changed. To come to think about it, I enjoy listening to people speak about great thinkers and their thoughts as much as I would watching Avatar 3D.
For now, I see in front of me a pile of photocopies that I plan to read and since my schedule for the next 3 days seems to have been decided by others all I can do is, well,read them.