Yesterday's been a very long day- a 3 year long day to be precise.
A relationship lived out in the recollection of the temporal. The past is no longer there, the present never remains and the future is not yet. What did i live through then? memories, facts, somethings imagined, somethings felt, somethings forced to feel, something that i thought i should feel? Whatever be the case, i felt like i was in a constant roller coaster ride(a scary one at that; and trust me these things don't scare me that easily!). The feeling was so darn physical, at one point i thought i was having a heart attack(ha!)!!
i wanted to cry, laugh, sing(in solitude with ill-gotten lyrics) , dance, indulge myself with a great tub of ice cream(couldn't decide on the flavour though), wanted to sulk, be pampered, be pulled out of this terribly gripping ride i was going through. but what did i do? i gave a (uber fucked up) exam, skipped meals (coz the walk to the mess seemed too long), watched three movies back to back, painted my toe nails over and over again to keep my mind from exploding and still at the end of the day managed to change a friendship that has been for all these years so different from the dozen-a-dime relationships we encounter on a daily basis.
i've got no clue how to fix it. no clue if i can , at all. no clue what my next step would be.
The only thing that I am aware of at this point of time is that the "ride" continues- and i've gotten so used to this feeling of weightlessness with a heavy heart to hold on to that i don't know if i want to get off this ride at all.