Come Back

OK, it's been a while since I've posted here.

If you are reading this, thank you for your time and patience. Bear with my rusty writing, its been a while since I've written, as well.

Food so good that it leaves no room for guilt,

Random letters of sweets-nothings on Monday mornings,

The feel of your lips on my forehead in half-wakefulness,

If this is all I can think of to be blissfully happy,
Why is the world drenched in hatred?

The book Lover

After hundreds of books, thousands of plots, millions of emotions and one unforgettable lifetime spent with him; she wrote, with trembling fingers, the only words she could write to him, “I am the beginning, you are the end and we form the perfect middle. I love you."

Words on Demand

So my friend challenged me to a micro-fiction duel. Here's my what I got:

Suggested word: Rust

Facebook

The door creaked and he sneaked in. Inside, belying the musky smell of old age and overwhelming rust in the background, she uploaded a new radiant profile picture.

Suggested word: amazed

Author in Utopia

The clock did its work – it ticked. The pen did its work – it wrote.  The eyes did their work – they read.

The result did its work – it amazed.

 

Suggested word: inception

Open Endings

I fidgeted. I thought and thought again. I cursed. Finally, I knew how it ended. Then again, did I?

Exhausted, I yelled, “Fuck you Nolan! Fuck you Inception!”

Picked up a book and began following a new dream.

Suggested word: smoke

Amidst Samosas, Sweets and Settling

She let the butt drop, stubbed it. Smoke escaping through her nostrils, still, she got up. Fixing her pallu, said, " Beige, let's go give this guy his perfect bride." Beige followed, strutting like her, tail wagging. 

Suggested word: Lollipop

The Park

Dear X,

No I did not like the lollipop. I had a nightmare about it too.

Sincerely,

I am telling mom

 

 

Arz Kia Hai...

Kab roye, Kaise roye, Kaha Roye,

Hum in sawalon me mashroof the.

Aur woh, is baat pe k

hum unki judayee ka gum bhula k

Aasuyon ki kadar kiye ja rahe hai.

Lunch Date

He opened the lunch box she had so painstakingly packed for him. He knew it wouldn't have finger-licking dishes inside. She had just started learning how to cook. Hunting for online recipes for beginners had become her new hobby. He appreciated the effort and he knew he would take back an empty box to show his acknowledgment.

In the final container, he found a note saying:

"I burnt the special dish that was supposed to go into this container and there was no time to start again. Thought I'd pack you some extra love instead.

p.s: I am Calvin and you are my Hobbes."

#LoveAtFirstSight

Note: The following are 5 incidents of  ❤  at first sight.


The Message

They walked through the congested lanes hand in hand. Picking up random books and smelling through the old stained pages, cursing their empty pockets. 

At one of those nondescript stores, on one of those pre-owned binds, in awkward but sincere letters, the couple read, with choked breaths and unmoving eyes:

“This note was supposed to be the beginning of a great love story. But I just learnt that you don’t read. Not that this book is not your favorite book. But that your eyes can only see darkness and from today so can my heart. ” 

The Assassin

And through his steady sniper scope, he could see his victim. Shortly, she would be shot and kill him forever. For in an instant, his heart chose to love, he chose to kill.

She, Years Later

Days of anxious preparations were, finally, coming to an end. A few more words and the ‘much awaited’ would be over. The unveiled new bride glanced through the room in sheer excitement of the moment.

Their eyes might have met then. Someone somewhere regrets that evening to this day.

It wasn't him.

The Rescue

I was drenched and hoping for the incessant rain to subside. It wasn’t a pleasant wait under the park bench. Something caught my attention. Distinct heavy footsteps were closing in. I turned around to see you already bent down, eyes teeming with adoration, arms moving towards me.

The rest is history. We were meant to be inseparable. It’s not for nothing that they call dogs man’s best friend.

The Dream Girl

For the last three weeks, since the first time I saw you in that art gallery, I have lost all desires to live life as I had known it before. All that I could do was to hope that you would at least come to see the artist’s rendition of yourself on the canvas. The art gallery became my necessary haunt.

Today, I met the artist. Today, I learnt that the woman of my dreams rose from the artist’s imagination. That he owned you before I could. That he would, forever. And I… would only behold.

--------------------xxx-----------------------

Fight barriers (haiku)

Today all can happen
I live to see the snow melt you
I could not.

Thank you Thursday Poets Rally for the Perfect Poem Award.

I nominate Life between the lines for the next award.

How a smile works

You know I stare at you.
Today I want to stare at you while you are doing your thing,
smiling your charming little smile.
I want to experience the entire process-
Of your facial muscles flexing,
your glorious 'fair' skin stretching
and tightening around your cheeks;
(Is there a slight hint of a dimple?)
Nostrils flaring momentarily,
and your eyes, as they squint,
with those mesmerizing eye-lashes
gather around them the wrinkles,
Cheeks brighten as they rise
lips playfully rise and
the bright sparklies failing to hide the shyness
you'd want me not to see.
I want to see all of this
and then
...
 I want to kiss the living day lights out of you.

Babble mumble

I can't weep.At least not anymore. All the tears, the red burning tears that I was so used to shedding, scarcely serve to quench my now-frantic heart. 


↓


For, what are tears if it is just brine. They tinkle down and you, oh you terribly divine you, just wipe them off with your charming smile, which leaves me feeling mushy inside.


↓


Tears, to be taken seriously, should be thick, bloody and should dry your heart with each falling drop, leaving you, exhausted, lifeless. Unwipable. Only to be healed. 


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If corpses could talk, mine would probably -through it's weighted tongue- force out through faded, choked sighs the loss of the briny-sweet tears and the charming/disarming smile.  


↓


The eyes would,then, probably bleed the real tears again. For a corpse, even a corpse much-in-love, doesn't need a heart to be quenched. Only memories to breathe off of. 


↓


Muchas gracias, you.

You've got mail

Prologue

2030, aug 24th, 6:35 pm : I found this letter while cleaning my desk. The handwriting seemed very familiar. It is only after reading one whole page that I realised that it was mine.

Chapter

Eyes set on your closed eyes with those perfect eye-lashes which make my heart skip a beat every now and then, what I heard you say last night:

I told you that I am not the perfect man that you think I am. I told you that I can be a screwed up, clueless, selfish prick hidden behind a shimmering porcelain mask. You laughed your generous laugh and told me that I was absolutely mistaken; that I didn’t have it in me to hurt a single soul and even if I did hurt you, I'd hurt myself more in the process.

You’ve got to understand that the nice, carefree boy-next-door that you know isn’t the real (or atleast the entire) me. Instead I'm a complete wreck, an unappetizing mess oozing out insecurities and wracking addictions off multiple sores, which running down my legs are creating a filthy puddle near my feet.

And hey, you’re not helping me when you’re looking straight at me with those big eyes, and the goofy grin of yours and calling me awesome. Perfect. Gorgeous. Hot. There is nothing that I want to do more than to pull off these so-called perfect layers of skin and fancy clothes and show you the toxic beast that lies waiting underneath. I want to show you the scars that are skin deep, marking me as an outcast for life, making memories unforgettable. I want to show you the scars that were supposed to be but I escaped. I want to show you the cold block of ice that is where my heart should be. I want you to lay your ear on my chest so that you can hear the absence of anything that comes from within, the silence where there should be pulse.I want you to lay your ear on my chest and hear the sudden eruption of heart beats that you cause by your touch.

I want you to, finally, come to terms with the fact that I was broken a long time ago and that there isn’t anything that you can do to change or fix me. I just want you to meet the real me. Only then can I trust mysel with you.

Did I really hear it or was I dreaming, like always?

Epilogue

Eyes set on your closed eyes with those perfect eye-lashes which make my heart skip a beat every now and then, what I whispered into your ears last night:

I will dance with you with yellow soles in fancy shoes in vacant lots under broken streetlamps, immersing my sickening soul in the music of our beating hearts. I will sing along with the radio, even if I sing horribly off-key. I will read out my favourite poems even if I mess up the lines. I will bear with your anger and moods and maybe sometimes argue with you and harsh words will slip out, but I promise to make it up to you with sincere apologies and sweetest of kisses. I will hide in your arms and cry out my sorrow, drenching your shirt with my tears.

Did you say you are broken? Or did you just sigh? It doesn't matter for I will love you best even if it's with my broken heart and my crushed hopes.

Surprise, O beloved lovers!

Two love-struck figures, cozy by the window,sipping coffee, fingers entwined somewhere in the intricacies of the grill,feeling the drops of rain. Then...

and

Poof






p.s: Is it Sunday? Amidst all the weekend plans if you can write a micro-fiction in 160 characters, go visit The Monkey Man!!!

Love's Moment Lost

The pain I thought I felt
Is now an indistinct memory,
For you tend to get used to feeling things.

The fantasies too, now, seem blaringly true
Having shed all their beguiling charm.
Although I have no heart left to offer you to break anymore,

I lie no more
Bout you and me.

About you, to myself, I lie no more.

Happily ever after

Like any other muse she was a mystery.
Like any other beloved she was pedestaled.
Like any other masterpiece she was written in an unknown foreign language.

Like any other creator he was bemused.
Like any other beholder he was glued.
Like any other reader he was lost and content.

This is their eternal story.

Till the end of time?

Polithinks: Thinking of all the people I've waved goodbyes to, all the heartbreaks, of all those sweet 'forevers' turned into 'once upon a stupid time', I realized that there is no such thing as 'ex(s)' or 'current(s)', there is only the love that will persist and the ones which will not.

Rules for the next ride

Neyyar Wildlife Sanctuary,kerela

You swept me off my feet.
I'm carrying a parachute, not so thrilled about the fall.

Butterflies in my stomach
Let them fly off to flutter somewhere new, somewhere not as unloved.

The nice words, the wishing well,
The plagiarized letter,the plunked hope.

The sighs, the wait.
The impatience, the habit.

The beating heart
Fear, not love.

The Faller in love
You, NOT me.

And the prize goes to...

There are times when I feel exceedingly grateful for being born in an age where communication is the way it is. The miscommunications, the non-communications, and the missed-communication have their silver linings too.

Although, at times I want to bleed words in a hope that someone/something would notice and take the pains to just take a moment and just try. The result, might most often be failure but at least the I deserved the time and the effort. And then, there are times when something inside me refuses to bare it all, refuses to be a like a goldfish trapped in a glass-bowl without any hope for an escape or even a compensatory privacy. If I can't have the right to be understood, I should at least have the freedom for absolute privacy. There can be nothing more humiliating than being a thing of display but a subject of indifference.

In the few secretive moments of wishful clairvoyance, I see myself standing farther than the sound, the light, the tough, the smell I want myself to be engulfed in right now and I am thankful for the content smile that escapes the lips wet my the dripping tears of an overnight chore.


 It is for the likes of the following that I know that this year (2010) and life in general has been kind to me:

'You know why I like you coz you are you. coz you aren't the average simple girl.coz you are complex and that speaks to me dozens than your one simple smile. I like the way of putting yourself, the  simplicity of your being. The way you have a great style and the mindlessness and random gibberish you talk and think. It is not about whether your thoughts are high or not but has get depth. I like you coz you are you. It's not that complex you know...loving you, I mean.'

p.s: 1) thanx PGB 
2) I am aware that the week-long challenge has failed, owing to some technical difficulties. I am off desserts since yesterday.12 more days to go. T_T

You are not You

The delectable words,
The smothering eyes,
The precarious memories,
The smokey touch,
The scars of pain,
The  playful fingers,
The smacks of taste.

...When I see you safe in the frame by my bed.


The fiery words,
The stone cold eyes,
The forgotten memories,
The lost touch,
The unfeeling skin,
The tired fingers,
The spiteful tongue.

... when I see you lying besides me, lost in a private ethereal world.


Should I just stare and love you  both?
Or
Should I pick up my choice with shaking hands and walk...

Favourited Vol. V (communication)

'Language is a skin: I rub my language against the other. It is as if I had words instead of fingers, or fingers at the tip of my words. My language trembles with desire.'

Roland Barthes, "Talking," in A Lover's Discourse

 

suddenly I am popular!

Well, I don't give a tiny,sicklt rat's ass to all this I am happy in the blissful(although temporary state) that I am now.. but what irks me is when I am content.. strange events pull me backwards. this might not be the exact words but this is the gist of all the conversations that I had with 3 of my friends(only one of them an EX!):
'if i m wid u ....i hav no problems wid long distance relationship...but the thing is dat i can trust u..can we be together?' wtf!!
Just because i am true to a person doesn't mean they make me their resort. Its like saying, i have given every other girl a chance and they all failed to keep a relationship going, but I think I it's your lucky day lady, coz we've been friends I know you, you are the perfect girl, I should have been with you from the beginning in the first place.
Well, if that is the case, you missed it boys. I have screwed my life with a wrong choice and i will stick to it and try and make it 'the best choice' even if 'wrong'.

Scoring a century with confessions.

What/when/to whom was the:
1. Last beverage I had: Ice tea
2. Last phone call I made: Dad
4. Last song I listened to: Carnival of lust(Poets of Fall)
5. Last time I cried: wednesday

HAVE I EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Yeah
7. Been cheated on: multiple times.(yeah, I know!)
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: Yes

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS(I know this is cheating):
12. Purple/Mauve
13. Black
14. Aquamarine blue

THIS YEAR(2010) HAVE I:
15. Made a new friend: No
16. Fallen out of love: Condition still being analysed
17. Laughed until I cried: No
18. Met someone who changed me: No
19. Found out who my true friends were: Yeah partly
20. Found out someone was talking about me: Yes
21. Kissed anyone on my friend's list: No
22. Had my heart broken: Yes.



23. How many kids do I want to have: Two, I want to name them both.
25. Do I want to change my name: Not anymore. there was a phase when I did.
26. What did I do for my last birthday: Invited a friend to come over in the morning, spent half the day with her, left her waiting at my place to go on a date and then came back to join her for dinner.
27. What time did I wake up today: 7:48am
28. What was I doing at midnight last night: cutting out a pirate eye patch off a chat paper.(Don't ask)
29.To name something I CANNOT wait for: My summer trip(details will come up here later as and when things happen)
30. Last time I saw my Mother: January.
31. The one thing I wish I could change about my life: The way my heart was broken.
32. What am I listening to right now: Belief, John Mayer
33. Have I ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, gave him wrong directions(unintentionally).
34. What's getting on my nerves right now: The assignments piling up and a few people
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook. google.
37. Nicknames: Poli, Mango
38. Relationship Status: Single(celebrated the first anniversary of single-hood a while ago)
39. Zodiac sign: Saggitarius.
40. How many times do I look at myself in the mirror each day: every time it happens to be infront of me.(approx 20 times)
41. pet Peeve: Can't have food sitting across someone eating with their mouth open. the sight does something to me.
42. Animal I hate: frog(I got peed on by a frog when i was 3/5 and thought it'd melt away. :-l)
43. The stupidest reason I was ever scared of : I once thought (because of swollen lymph nodes) I had tumour and hence cancer and I was gonna die. wrote people letters, confessing. Shouldn't have.
44. Hair colour: brown.
45. Long or short: Mid way
47. Do I have a crush on someone: Harmless crush on five, depending on my mood.
48. What do I like about yourself: matter of another blog-post
49. Piercings: YES, ears(I hate piercings)
50. Tattoos: One. left wrist.
51. Righty or lefty: Righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: I guess when they cut the umbilical cord
53. First piercing: ears
54. First best friend: Nabanita. she rediscovered me last month.
55. First sport I joined: hop scotch
56. First vacation: Kashmir(when I was one)
58. First pair of shoes : a peach pair of Mary Janes which squeaked on each step.

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Ceasar Chicken Salad and garlic bread
60. Drinking: Third refill of ice tea
61. I'm about to: clean the salad dressing I spilled on my shirt
62. Listening to: my roomie speaking on the phone
63. Waiting for: it to be midnight. have got a surprise planned.

 FUTURE :
64 .One thing that will happen for sure: (apart from death...) Me Bunjee jumping
65. Get Married:yeah
66. Career: of course.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: I feel its eyes, they say its lips.
68. Hugs or kisses: kisses. not really a hug person.
69. Read or write: Write when I am hyper-active. Read whenever
70. Talk or write: I write better than I speak.
71. Planned or spontaneous: Spontaneous
72. Fetish: hands(from wrist down)
73. Slapstick humour or sarcasm: Sarcasm
74. Early or late riser: Early
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker.

HAVE I EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no. But I would, if I am single and 50.
77. Drank hard liquor: Yeah. hated it.(http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/01/25-random-things-about-me.html ponit 12.)
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Contacts thrice.But not for a year now.
79. Broken someone's heart: Yes, as a teen, shouldn't have but couldn't help. Suffer sporadic guilt pangs.
80. Been arrested: No. I am adventurous, not reckless.
81. Been made to stand outside a class: Yes, coz I convinced my friends to bunk a class and play (in 12th standard) in spite of being the School Prefect
82. Turned someone down: Yes.First time in 7th standard
83. Cried when someone died: Not yet
84. Fallen for a friend: Yes and it sucks.
85. hustled: yeah. Broke someone's jaw in school , got my nose broken 2 years back, other minor injuries both parties.

DO I BELIEVE IN:
86. Myself: Most the times.
87. Miracles: not until I see one. But I am open to the concept.
88. Love at first sight: No. Not meant for the world today
89. Heaven:  Not the utopian place. But there are moments when I can't help but blurt out "Heaven!"
90. Santa Claus:  no
91. Kiss on the first date: Depends when the first date happens. (Things are different in India. We date date after the proposal.)
92. Angels: yeah,but not the ones with the wings.


94. Have  had more than 1 boyfriends at a time: Been on the receiving end, more than once.
95. Did I sing today: A terrible singer, still.(cf:http://amropali.blogspot.com/2010/01/25-random-things-about-me.html point 16. )
96. Ever cheated on somebody: depends, if flirting is cheating then yes.
97. If I could go back in time, how far would I go: 3 years back. Would have slapped someone instead of smiling at the pathetically filmy antics.
98. If I could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: The day I came here to live alone.
99. Am I afraid of falling in love : yes. also afraid of the present state of being in love.
100. Will I ever confess again: YES. This mood seems to recur.